For the past few months Jonah has stopped pooping in the toilet at school. He has no problem peeing, but when he has to poop, he finds a corner in his classroom and does his business in his pants. He’s been doing this at home, as well, but not as often–at home he at least tries to get to the bathroom.
It’s kind of turning into a game, to get to change his clothes. -Mrs. Kim
When this first started happening we thought something happened in the bathroom at school that suddenly traumatized Jonah, keeping him from wanting to go poop there. But after several weeks of pleading, bribing, scolding, ignoring, and being all around frustrated, it’s become pretty clear that he’s not traumatized, and he knows when he needs to use the bathroom. The kid regularly squeezes out some seriously monster logs, so it’s not a physical issue. It appears to be some kind of game for him, or a battle of the wills. What Jonah doesn’t understand is that I’ve been willful 36 years longer than he has. My will win out.
So, as promised yesterday if he didn’t do better pooping at school, Jonah will be put in diapers today and will go back to the other building, in the toddler’s class. So far the only thing to upset him when we talk about pooping in his pants, is the threat of diapers. So let’s see if that does the trick. Besides, you have no idea how sick I am of cleaning out poopy underwear that’s been sitting in a plastic bag all afternoon. Ugh.
If anyone out there has an idea as to other solutions to this problem, please share. I’m all ears!
Tags: diapers, family life, Jonah, school
When I was a therapist, I heard about this a lot from adult men. I also had a boy in my elementary school class who had these issues. So I did some research.
It seems bowel issues such as this are really common among boys from the ages of 5-7. Psychologist postulate that it’s about control – they realize they have some control over something so exert it. The idea is that they are testing how they can impact the world – and parent play into it by getting upset. (Now see what I can do. I can make Mommy upset. kind of thing) It’s not conscious, so the only intervention is choice – love and logic style. You then give them a way to exert control with their choices.
Remember I heard about this from adult men as a therapist. You would be stunned to hear how many boys are abused due to this behavior. One man held his poop in for days at a time (like 8). His father made him pack a bag and dropped him off in downtown Philadelphia at an ‘orphanage’. The man never got over it. Like ever.
You are not alone in your frustration. I hope you have a few more resources than these folks.
Thanks for the great information Claudia. I feel so bad for the man you describe above–that’s a horrible thing to do to a child. The worst thing we’ve done is take away his video games. He’s in daycare right now, and I’m really interested to see if I pick him up in a diaper or in his underwear. He’s been given one final choice–poop in the toilet and stay in britches, in his class. Poop in his britches, he’s changed into a diaper and has to go back with the toddlers. I’m hoping that by making this his “choice” he chooses the toiler.
Good job! 🙂
Thanks! Unfortunately day 1 didn’t work. Maybe day 2 in diapers will be better. 🙁
Dang! I thought you were pregnant~lol!!! I think the diaper trick will work. Love you!
YIKES! No, thank God!!
Love you too! XOXO